Monday, January 14, 2008

me, hormonal? no!

angel face, december 07

Case in point:
This morning I got up and opened all the blinds in the whole house so we could enjoy the snowfall. After breakfast, I put Isabella in her swing..but I decided to put her in backwards (facing the other way) so she would be able to see the leaves and birds on the mobile better. (Note: this may sound dangerous, but it isn't. The swing is like a little bowl and it really doesn't differ from one end to the other.) Anyway, I turned it on and started the mobile. Within just a few minutes she was going crazy...smiling, moving her arms in wild motions, kicking her feet...I swear, at times it sounded like she was laughing! I grabbed my cell phone and snapped a picture to send to Tommy. I text him and said look at this! You wouldn't believe this! She is so cute right now. He quickly text back and said "Get the video camera and record her--I don't want to miss this!" Oh yeah, I thought! Great idea! What was I thinking! I ran to get the camera, the whole time trying to remember how to turn it on and what button is "record". Found it, got it, running back to the scene of the excitement...hurry...hurry!
I arrived just in time to find her fast asleep. No more laughing, kicking, smiling baby! She was sleeping peacefully, her pacifier moving in and out, in and out.

My tears just came out of nowhere...with no warning at all.
The show was over....and I missed the chance to document it.
I'm missing things all the time it seems....and I'm right here. Trying to be as "in the moment" as life allows. But, still, I'm missing moments and time is passing with a crazy pace.
She is bigger today than she was last night when I tucked her in.
Yesterday I put on a small variety show with me as the main character right in front of her bouncy seat....trying so hard to get a big smile or a tiny laugh....nothing. Then today--she does both and I missed the chance to preserve it. To show it to her daddy. To share it with her grandparents.
I have yet to document a single item from the past 7 weeks. And it makes me so sad. I'm forgetting. I am forgetting exactly what Tommy and I said the moment we saw her for the first time. I am forgetting all the teeny tiny moments that made up that first night we spent with her in the hospital. I am forgetting. And the irony is..if I take the time right now to record our story...I'll be missing the chapter of our story that is unfolding this minute. I'd like to do both.
Maybe I'll set aside 10 minutes each evening for this??
See, I'm not hormonal. Not at all.

Planning to post pictures of my pregnancy journal later on (for you, cousin!)


Anonymous said... is amazing how quickly we forget. Saturday was my sweet girls 2nd birthday. We got out the first album, the one containing all the hospital photos and were recalling the day and it blows my mind how it all feels like a lifetime ago. I opted not to videotape the birth experience (for vanity reasons)but oh how I wish I would have at least had a video of the day (if not the actual birth).

JenniferPants said...

It's funny how life is like that. We try and try to live in the moment, to not forget the beautiful moments- but it is a tough thing to do- even with photos and written words. I'm always trying to mentally photograph and record the moments in my life when I just breathe out and feel so wonderful, so content (warm breeze blowing in my face on a beautiful beach in the tropics) . It's hard though to remember the moment exactly like it was. I think the great thing is: we get to have more moments that are worthy of a mental pause.

-erin said...

Awww...sara. Got a little teary eyed. Just want to remind you, you have documented some things. Look at all the posts you've put up about and written to Ella. You have some beautiful thoughts you can transfer over to her baby book when you have a minute or two. It might sound crazy but, leave a baby book and a pen by the toilet. Every time you go fill out a line or two, not even a page. Think how much you could add in just a week! :) My aunt swears thats the only way she finished all three of her kids books. Baby steps.

Anonymous said...

I just really did not want to be video taped today...soory.
Love, Ella

Sara said...

Ella sounds strangely like pop pop in that last comment....